I never felt power over my destiny. When I was young, before I had finished high school, my parents pushed me into marriage with a man from my father's family. I said I couldn't get married, I wanted to finish high school and go to university, (in high school, if they know you have a marriage contract they don't let you go to school anymore). After a year I had to leave high school, I couldn't finish. My parents forced me to make the marriage contract, but after a while they broke it because I was so upset. I moved cities and went to the Army.

All the time my mother was saying I must get married because everyone believed I had been with that man and was no longer pure, although we had never been together

At the same time another man came along and everyone in my family believed I should marry him. I had no choice, I had to marry him. At first he was very kind to me but after we were married he showed me exactly what he was like. We were fighting all the time. When my daughter was born, we had so many problems. I hadn't wanted to have a baby but everyone pushed me into having a baby. When my husband realised my baby was a girl, (in Iran a son is very important), he kept pushing me and saying 'You can leave, you can get a divorce, you can go back to your parents' house'. I was living with his parents when I came out of hospital and they didn't want me or the baby anymore. I didn't want to have another divorce, (in my culture a women really can't decide to get a divorce), but I was thinking 'I can't continue living like this'. Finally I said 'If it makes you happy I will go, I will live my life just for my child'.

At that time my salary was more than his. I paid for everything; the house, the furniture, and he gave all his money to his family. But when he divorced me he said you can't take anything. I just had to leave. In court they said you must take your daughter but I knew that if I took our child he would never care about her and never provide for her, (and that would mean she would not have a future). So he took our daughter. For two years I kept trying to visit her but they would never let me see her. So I paid for my daughter to go into a childcare centre and I could see her when I needed to.

About ten years ago I realised I could not live like this anymore. When you are divorced you can't relate to anyone, everyone is suspicious of you. Women believe you are after their husbands and nobody respects or accepts you because you are a single woman. My family, my friends rejected me. I just stayed at home and couldn't go anywhere. I lost my job. The Government had changed, they said we don't need women as officers in the Army. All the time I was looking for another job but when they know you are divorced you can't get a proper job. They would say 'You are too old'. They were looking for young women to use them. I learnt to do hairdressing and worked from my home. Then I met a man who had a factory and he offered to give me a job.

For about two years I worked for him, he was very gentle with me and respected me. He never asked me about my divorce or asked me to go out with him. About five years ago I got a visa for New Zealand, I wanted to go to visit my brother there. My employer asked 'Why do you want to go? stay here and I will marry you'. I said I just wanted a simple life, I knew if I was married everyone would accept me again. My daughter would be alright.

When we were married he gave me everything and looked after me. My family was happy because now I was married. He didn't wanted to have children but I became pregnant, and it was then I found out he already had a wife and children. He had shown me papers and told me that he had no wife or children, and I believed him. I realised I couldn't believe any man and I was scared about my future. I had married him without a marriage contract because with your second marriage contract you cannot divorce again. You also have no control over your life. If he makes your life difficult, you can't say anything, you just keep quiet. If he wants to kill you, he can kill you. We had to have something that said we were married because in my country you can't go outside with a man without a certificate or contract that says you are married - and the police will ask you for it. But when I found out he had another wife I realised it would ruin her life as well as mine. I couldn't have his child because he already had children to another woman and it would ruin all of their lives. I had to have the pregnancy terminated. When he found out, he said I couldn't go out anywhere, I couldn't talk to anyone, I had to stay at home on my own. He kept me a secret.

I knew that he thought I was dangerous. He knew many people in the government but nobody knew that he had a wife and children and had also married me. He could have me prosecuted for terminating my pregnancy. He would find a reason. I knew that my life would be over - maybe I died a long time ago; dead doesn't just mean you are physically dead and underground. I knew that my whole situation would also ruin my daughter's future. When they knew what had happened to her mother nobody would marry or accept her. I started looking for a way to leave my country that would not raise suspicions. It was my parents who helped me come to Australia . I had to ask my husband's permission to leave Iran and come here. He gave me permission.

When I first arrived in Australia, after six months I was very sad. I had nothing to do and Australia doubts if I can do anything. At first I had work permission but now they have taken it away. When I had work permission I could work and pay rent and eat, but some people use people like me. When I did have a cleaning job they used me all the time. The supervisor knew I didn't speak English very well, I didn't know the law very well. That's why anytime, any day, at midnight, whenever, he gave me the worst jobs. I needed the money for food and to pay rent and I did what he said. I was able to keep my life and survive but I damaged my heart and soul. Sometimes he was paying me maybe half of my wage per hour, or half the hours I had worked. When I noticed the difference and asked him, he said to me: 'No you don't understand English properly'. 'You don't understand the law'. But I couldn't ask all the time because if I did he wouldn't give me any more work.

Everyone knows the Australian government looks after people and doesn't let bad things happen to you. But this government lets people like this, do this to you. We want to respect this government, we don't want to use this government, but this government doesn't respect us. You must understand I like to work, I am very active, I am not a lazy person. If I can work it is good for everyone. Just give me the opportunity to work, I can learn, I can teach things to other people. But now I must respect the rules of this government, they don't give me permission to work. I have no enjoyment, I do not have a good life. I have forgotten myself and I don't know where I am. I am between the sky and the ground. I can't believe Australia doesn't care about people anymore. I thought that here in Australia they would understand my situation. The whole world knows what happens to women in my country. They just eat and sleep and live their lives for other people, never for themselves - they have no power over their destiny, they are used by men. I have to stay here. I am hopeful that the Australian government is a good government. Just because someone who accepts a high position in government doesn't work well for the people, doesn't mean it is the Australian government's fault.

I believe that one day I will find my life. I am hopeful. We are human, we must help each other - it is not too late. You never know what could happen, maybe one day Australia will need another country. We must teach people humanity - if we teach this throughout the world, we can make the world like a paradise.